Letters to the Hogwart's Editor Reposted!
by NemesisMuse
Summary: Reposted for spacing, updates, typos and what not. You'll be amused I think, if you want to submit a letter by email.
1. Chapter 1

**Hogwarts Letters To The Editor **

**By NemesisMuse**

Author's Note: This is my first time writing humor, so PLEASE be kind. Normally I write songs, but a class assignment gave me inspiration. SO the plot behind this chaos is that Hogwarts students are writing there problems to the 'Letters to the Editor' column. I don't own the characters or the whole castle and all that stuff,

SO DON'T SUE!

Please enjoy.

I dedicate this to Deity, Wolf of the Hills, and Sailor Earth, my favorite critics and deflators of my ego. -

Dear Editor,

I am a 5th year Slytherin and I have a problem. There is a girl I like but every time I try to express my feelings, it turns out wrong. Like when I say, 'screw you Mudblood,' what I intended to say was, 'I love you.' What should I do?

Sexy Man

Dear S.M.,

I sympathize, really I do, but I really do not give a rip! Listen coughDracocough, if you can't say what you feel; write what you feel about your crush. But if the girl you so love is reading this, she probably already knows.

Editor

Dear Editor,

I am in Ravenclaw and I am in a dilemma. There is a major test coming up and my friends want me to cheat on the test with them. What do you suggest?

Confused in Ravenclaw

Dear Confused,

Aren't we all in a dilemma! You're a bloody Ravenclaw for Godric's Sake! Now that I have made you pay attention, here is my advice: do what you feel is right. But since this IS the SCHOOL newspaper I must say do the right thing and not cheat.

Editor

Dear Editor,

I have an unsightly physical feature that I wish to remove and or hide it. So many stare at the damned scare! SO many stare at the cursed thing that I am almost invisible to the person who is looking. Are there any magical cures or devices that could help?

Scar face

Dear Scar face,

There are illusions and charms that could be used. All of them easy to find, even some Medic-Wizards specialize in this area. In all honesty though, I suggest that you just live with it. If anyone stares, just give them the bird.

Editor

Dear Editor,

I am a teacher, who none of the students like. And many of my fellow teachers think I am petty, cruel, and heartless. I am none of these things, but I will not coddle the brats, they need to see the reality they will soo face. I wish to know what I should do to my popularity problem.

P.S. five points from Gryffindor!

Unpopular Potions Master

Dear Unpopular,

It is good of you in a sense to help them get ready for the real world but you don't need tto make 50 11 year olds cry do you? Hand out candy, don't assign too much homework, bath more often, stop sneer at everything that breaths and don't write back!

Editor

Authors Notes: So do ya love or hate it? Please review and this time send letters of your own so I can write more. Special thanks to Deity for helping me with the names.

P.S. All the chapters are being reposted, so that's why.


	2. Chapter 2

Letters to the Hogwarts Editor

By NemesisMuse

Rating K+

Author's note #1: It's re-posted and better then ever! OH YAY! I want to thank Sailor Earth for the letter from ToadBoy. Thanks to the people who reviewed. Also thanks to Deity who helped me find my insanity.

Author's note #2:I do not own Harry Potter or all the other stuff. Please don't sue!

Author's note #3: Please send in your own letters to with the subject as Letter to the Hogwarts Editor or something similar. Also please review! Enjoy!

Dear Editor,

I am being stalked by a psycho Slytherin! He will not leave me alone and he says that it was due to your advice. Why did you advise him to stalk me?

Being Stalked in Gryffindor

Dear Being Stalked,

I did not advise him to stalk you, but to show his true feelings. If you read the last issue you would have known. But if it bothers you so much, get a holding restraint on the person or tell him off, what ever makes you feel better.

Editor

Dear Editor,

I am a serious klutz. It seems I can't do anything right, all the teachers are absolutely horrible to me, especially a certain hook-nosed, sallow-skinned, greasy-haired potions master, and everyone makes fun of me, even people from my own house! The only one I can really talk to is my pet toad, but even he ignores me. How can I get everyone to stop picking on me?

ToadBoy

Dear TB,

My advice is to sock whoever is picking on you. Also learn hexes, spell and curses. Try going out to try-outs for Quidditch and being more active in school events. YOu never know what you can do unless you try.

Editor

Dear Editor,

My friend and I, who are composing this letter with me, are very intelligent but are afraid to show, are true I.Q. We enjoy Shakespeare, poetry, art and far more, we are pedagogues of the arts, but we have always been lackeys and wish to change are roles. What do you suggest to help us?

P.S. Hello Draco!

Malfoy's Lackey's

Dear Lackeys,

I pity you. Hear is your answer: work on speaking and people skills and do extra credit on homework. That should help some. Also try quoting famous people or a play

Editor

Dear Editor,

Hello, how are you? I hope you are well. The reason that I am writing is that I'M BEING EATEN ALIVE! HELP!

Professor Kettleburn

Dear Kettleburn family,

The staff and I send our deepest regret that the late Professor Kettleburn was eaten alive. We have chipped in for the flowers at the funeral. Are sympathies are with you.

Editor

Author's note #4: do you like or hate it? PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

Title Letters to the Hogwarts Editor

By NemesisMuse

Rating PG-13

Author's Note Okay folks, long time I know but I had to get school work out of the way and what not. My teachers are trying to kill me I swear.

To Pie122: I'm sorry this is confusing but I hope the format will help.

****

* * *

**Disclaimer**

Fred: NemesisMuse does Not own the characters,

George: Or the castle, or anything like that

Together: Oy! Where is our money!

NM: Alright!( Money appears out of no-where and Fred and George stuff their pockets.)

Fred & George: Thanks!

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Dear Editor,

I am the most beautiful boy in the school, and I'm in love with my arch nemesis The-Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Die what should I do?

-Wonderful Amazing Perfcet Beautiful Best Slytherin of All Time

Dear Ego Trip,

Either you tell Mr. Potter you feelings, Oblivate you memories, or Mr. Potter is reading this and he figures it out. By the way, it may help if you stopped worshiping yourself.

Editor

* * *

Dear Editor,

I am a nobody. What should I do?

No One in Hufflepuff

Dear No one,

Show your personality to your House-mates. Wear something that shows the real you.

Editor

* * *

Dear Editor,

I am always thought to be a insane old coot. I am quiet sane and inquire how to remedy it.

Not insane Headmaster

Dear Not Insane,

Why not stop speaking in riddles and not act insane. See what happens.

P.S. It may help if you stop running around singing off key in. Just a thought.

Editor

* * *

Author's Note Please Reveiw! Might get me off my lazy bum and work. 


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